you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
