Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize