a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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