Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
