Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i barfeds in our rink
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize