I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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