omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
