Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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