I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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