i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i barfeds in our rink
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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