If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
