This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
