he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
