He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
