Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
