soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
