A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
