Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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