yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
