i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
