i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
