her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
