My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
