I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
