Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I think I just sharted jello shots
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