So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
