I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
