theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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