Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
