C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
