He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
How does one acquire holy water?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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