i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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