just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
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