Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
