apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
