So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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