Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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