You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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