About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
