My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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