NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
