Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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