i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
