sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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