glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring me the toilet please
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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