i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Sorry about my life...
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
