Duck Duck Cougar?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
