dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
