i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
