My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
