Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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