We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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