That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
it was like eating out sand paper
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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