We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
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There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
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You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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