It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
