Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
