you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
