Moan for me like Helen Keller
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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