At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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