She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
