apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
