We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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