If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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