Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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