I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
