even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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