U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
