you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
