I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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